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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28396020">A Softer Candia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/9r7g5h/pseuds/9r7g5h'>9r7g5h</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Softer Candia [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Crown of Candy - Fandom, Dimension 20 (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amethar and Calroy getting together, Angst with a happy ending so far, Caramelinda as a good step mom, F/F, F/M, M/M, Part 1 in the series, Saccharina being the voice of reason even as a 5 year old</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:34:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,575</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28396020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/9r7g5h/pseuds/9r7g5h</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A softer Candia, where Saccharina was raised knowing she was loved, where Amethar and Caramelinda are able to pursue true love, develop a genuine friendship with each other, and the family is a little bit happier, despite the consequences to come. Part 1 in the A Softer Candia series.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amanda Maillard/Caramelinda Rocks, Calroy Cruller/Amethar Rocks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Softer Candia [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Dimension 20 Big Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Softer Candia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>AN: Hello everyone! This is the original fic that I signed up with for the Dimension 20 Big Bang, and this has been a ton of fun, thinking about how the ripple effect would impact everything. It's been absolutely amazing working with my utterly fantastic artist, @WhiteTourmaline on twitter, and I'll be including their art both in the fic itself and as a second chapter so it can be larger. We have talked, and decided it would be better to split this into parts, since so much will be changing from this, so hopefully soon I'll have another part out for yall! I hope yall enjoy! :)</p>
<p>Disclaimer: I do not own Dimension 20.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caramelinda paused before the door, steading herself with a deep breath. Her hand reached out, stopped, hovering over the handle that hid her soon to be husband’s secret behind it. </p>
<p>Part of her didn’t want to open it. Part of her wanted to turn around and walk away, to tell her father that he could stuff it. She had been married, the deal he had made with King Joren had been fulfilled, and now this was just cruel. It hadn’t been when she was told she would have to marry Amethar, that Lazuli’s death meant her hand in marriage would have to pass to the next of the Rock siblings. It was cold, perhaps, calculating, but it wasn’t cruel. It was just the way their lives were, something she had come to accept when she had heard that Candia was joining the war, that the love of her life was leaving to join the fight. </p>
<p>The way Lazuli had kissed her, had stood there memorizing her face as if it was the last time she would see it in person, had told her she loved her - part of Caramelinda had been prepared for this, had known that Lazuli at least believed that she wasn’t coming home. And, in all of their years of courtship and marriage and love, Lazuli hadn’t been wrong. So it wasn’t cruel, because this Caramelinda had been able to prepare for. </p>
<p>It wasn’t cruel when she was told that she would have to rule a kingdom, that Amethar knew nothing about politics - she wasn’t even sure that the man could read, much less be king. That wasn’t cruel either. It was a lot of work to put on her shoulders, work that she had none of the training for, but again, it was part of their lives. She had been taught how to weave and sew and dance and curtsey, how to speak prettily to those who were her better, and she would learn how to use that to rule. It would be difficult, a hardship that she knew would run her ragged, but she would learn it nonetheless. And it would put the children she would have to have with Amethar at an advantageous position. They would be the next leaders of the realm, and she would be in a place to make sure that the peace they took from her was as solid as the candy stone the castle was built of. </p>
<p>But to be so incredibly humiliated? To have been told that this entire time she was being courted by a married man? That she was engaged to someone with a child, and even if his wife was currently dying on another floor of the castle and would be dead before their wedding, she would always just be labeled as a royal whore? To force her to continue with this oath breaker,  when she could still feel Lazuli’s touch, could still hear her voice, was still savoring the lingering memory of her lips whenever she woke from her kinder dreams, was only breaking her own bonds of marriage because her wife was dead? </p>
<p>She had always known that this world was cruel. It was cruel, and unkind, and unfair to those who had done nothing wrong. And part of her wanted to just say no, to turn around and not meet the girl waiting on the other side of the door that she had been asked to check on. Because this? This was cruel. </p>
<p>But she was Princess Caramelinda of the House of Rocks, Countess of Meringue, soon to be Queen of Candia, and no matter how much she cursed the Bulb above and whatever power her beloved Lazuli had drawn her magic from, it was her duty to face what laid before her. </p>
<p>Caramelinda turned the knob, opened the door the smallest width that she could, and slid into the room, the door closing softly behind her. She just stood there, staring at her wife’s niece, her soon to be husband’s daughter, and looked. </p>
<p>For a long moment, Caramelinda wanted to dislike her. Wanted to dislike this tiny green-skinned ice cream girl sitting before her, her husband's eldest. Because even with Saccharina's existence, it didn’t matter. She still had to marry Amethar, would have to bear him more children in case anything happened to this one so the Rocks would always have an heir, to keep the peace between her people and the royal family. Even if Amethar agreed that their engagement was null, allowing her to leave and go live the rest of her life mourning her wife, her father would call for another war over the perceived slight. A civil war this time, something Candia couldn’t survive. It didn’t matter that this girl existed, this girl who in any other case would be her ticket out of here. </p>
<p>So, for a single moment, Caramelinda wanted to step into the role of evil stepmother and dislike her, as petty as it was. Dislike her for taking her own future children’s places as the direct heirs, dislike her for throwing their entire life into the air, dislike her for not being her chance for freedom. </p>
<p>But then Saccharina looked up at her, eyes wide and watery, lost and just looking for a hand in the darkness that she could hold, and she couldn't. She couldn't dislike this child, as much as her courtly upbringing told her she must. Couldn’t find it in herself to hate a child who had already lost so much, who was in the middle of losing her mother as they stood there and stared at each other. Could only look at her eyes and be amazed at how much they looked like Laz’s, lighting up with some level of recognition as Saccharina fully understood who was standing in the room. </p>
<p>“I used to have one of your mugs.” Her voice tiny, shaking, scared yet saying the first thing that came to her lips, a plea for recognition from the only person who had come to see her since she had been brought here. The poor child was terrified, that was clear, but still she forced out the words. </p>
<p>She was scared but she was brave, and Caramelinda found herself loving her for that. </p>
<p>So, instead, Caramelinda turned and walked over to the large couch centered in the middle of the room. She picked up the blanket that was draped over the back, unfolded it, and sat down, the blanket in her lap. Already feeling a warmth beginning to grow for her, Caramelinda held out her arms, a welcoming gesture, offering a safe space for the poor girl to finally rest in. </p>
<p>They had both lost so much, would lose so much more in the years to come, so all she could do was offer the slightest bit of warmth to the poor thing who had clearly not seen much of it. </p>
<p>It took a moment for Saccharina to accept the invitation, looking between Caramelinda and the blanket and the door, clearly concerned and scared, though of what Caramelinda wasn’t sure. But when she did accept the invitation, it only took her a second to cross the room, the smell of rain following her feet as the poor cold scared child accepted the offering. <em> Like Lazuli </em>, Caramelinda couldn’t help but think as she wrapped Saccharina in the blanket, humming softly as the girl shifted to get comfortable, her fingers running through the baby soft hair that was piled on her head, held up by twine to keep it out of her face. </p>
<p>It took a moment for Saccharina to relax, an almost weary tension in her small body, something that broke Caramelinda's heart even more. The poor child had seen so much, had lived through who knew what, and had survived. But at what cost, Caramelinda couldn’t help but wonder, the scratchiness of Saccharina’s peasant shift tickling her bare arm, such a large contrast to the finery of the world around them. What secrets haunted this poor child that even when she was exhausted, she was always searching the shadows for the demons who had harmed her? </p>
<p>But, eventually, she did relax, resting her head on Caramelinda's chest, accepting the warmth and comfort she was being offered. And when she did finally relax, it was almost immediately into sleep, the poor child finally accepting she was safe in the arms that held her. </p>
<p>A level of trust Caramelinda wasn’t sure the rest of the world had gotten to see from Saccharina, a level she was touched to have received so quickly. </p>
<p>"She promised you’d take care of me.” </p>
<p>For a moment Caramelinda wasn’t sure if it truly was Saccharina who had spoken, or if it was just her mind filling the silence, drawing out words from the sounds of their breathing, the crackling of the fire, and ever so distant clanking of armor if she truly listened, the knights on their rounds. This wouldn’t have been the first time she had imagined words, had imagined the light touch of a familiar hand on her face, had imagined the sweetest murmurs as she slipped into the realm of dreams. It took Saccharina speaking again, shifting her face so it was no longer pressed into her chest for Caramelinda to realize that she wasn’t imagining the words, and to instead fully listen to what the girl was saying. </p>
<p>“She loves you and promised you’d take care of me," Saccharina mumbled, her voice soft and tired, sadness tinging her words. "She told me."</p>
<p>"Who did, sweetling," Caramelinda asked, the term of endearment falling easily from her lips. Coming so easily despite her mistrusts and misgivings just a few minutes ago, because of course she loved this child, loved her as much as she already knew she would love her own. How could she not, when she was so tiny and fragile and huddled so close in her arms, how could she not just love her?  </p>
<p>"The blue lady from the mug. She still loves you, so very much so. She told me herself. She’s sorry she had to go." </p>
<p>Caramelinda froze, staring down at the child laying against her chest. Tongue thick, eyes wide, her vision blurring as she took in the words that Saccharina had spoken, the words Caramelinda had been longing to hear for so long but had believed she never would. She wanted to question her - how did Saccharina know Lazuli, how did they speak, how come Lazuli didn’t speak to <em> her </em> - but by the time she had gathered her whit's back together, it was too late. </p>
<p>Saccharina had slipped into sleep, her heavy eyes finally sliding shut, safe against the world that would seek to harm her. As much as she wanted nothing more then to get those answers, Caramelinda couldn’t find it in herself to wake her.</p>
<p>Instead, Caramelinda leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, shifted herself so she could be a better pillow for the girl, and waited. She could get the answers that she needed in the morning, when Saccharina would awaken to find that she was still safe, still being held in the arms of the first living woman since her mother to love her. When Saccharina was promised a home, a family, people who loved her just for existing and being her, then Caramelinda could question her words. </p>
<p>But for now, staring at the fire, her niece turned daughter wrapped in her arms, she could almost feel those phantom hands once again caressing her cheeks, ghostly lips crossing her own, and for a long moment, the world didn’t feel quite so cruel. </p>
<hr/>
<p>It wasn’t easy, settling into what would become their lives. Accepting the roles they were forced to fill, the jobs they, through no fault of their own and entirely through fate's design, were born to accept. It was just how the cards had fallen, and they were the ones stuck playing pick up. </p>
<p>For Amethar, it was easier, at least. Easier in the subjective sense of the word - he still had to bury his first wife, the first and only woman he had ever actually loved. It had been hard to see her again, hard to see the mold growing across her face, her eyes glazed over in a mocking parody of how bright they had once been, when she was younger and free of the fear and pain and illness that had so clearly haunted her. The years had not been kind to her, draining her of everything that Amethar had once fallen in love with: her humor, her kindness, her bravery and drive. Her love of life and the mysteries that it held, the way she had questioned the Bulb and fully accepted it when he had told her about his sister’s magic, laughter dancing from her lips as he shared the deepest parts he had to share. </p>
<p>Only her smile had remained, a softening of her rot-infested face as he knelt besides her, waving off the doctors who warned him not to get so close. Candians were the hardiest of people - where others fell to rot and disease, they were almost immune, so Amethar felt no fear as he grasped her hand in his, kissing her roughened knuckles. They hadn’t been able to talk much, her words pained and breaths short, but it had been enough for him to know what she had been through, to know what she had done to keep herself and their daughter alive, to know a little bit of what Catherine had come back to when she had returned for Saccharina, a rage building within Amethar as she confessed her sins. It had pained him to say goodbye - he had hoped that she would have found peace, that she would have found love again, with someone who could love her the way she had deserved, and to see her breathe her last had hurt.</p>
<p>But she was clearly pained, had been for a long time, so when her hand finally fell limp in his, he was just glad she was free of it. </p>
<p>From there it was just a whirlwind - his coronation, getting to know Saccharina, planning his marriage to Caramelinda, working with the ambassadors for the Concord. It helped to have Calroy there, his support meaning the world as he puzzled his way through introductions and meetings and plans that he didn’t understand a word of. Having someone he trusted there to help guide him, to read through the letters when Caramelinda was too busy with Saccharina, the two of them almost inseparable, to remind him of names and faces when they all became a blur that made his head ache and almost made him wish for another war. Not because he missed the death or the destruction or the fighting, but because there he at least knew what he was. </p>
<p>He was a warrior, a man filled with rage at the death of his family that he could control to protect the ones still alive. He was Amethar the Unfallen, never bested in battle, and at least on the field, he was confident that he could come out on top. </p>
<p>Now? Now he wasn’t even sure he would see the official beginning of the peace he had fought so hard for. It was too confusing, too much to deal with, so much he felt like he was drowning in the cola river every time he tried to take a breath, tried to just sit and breathe. </p>
<p>That was how Calroy found him - hunched over his desk, trying to parse through the things that had to be done without reading through the documents left to him, struggling under the candle and firelight to just keep going. Caramelinda had already done a lot, but until their wedding her hands were tied, unable to fully take over as queen until the actual “I do” was said and she received the crown. And even then, she had become more of a parent to Saccharina then he had been, despite his actual bond to the girl, just doubling the amount of work Caramelinda had on her plate as she also taught Saccharina about the world.</p>
<p>She had powers, he knew that. She had been horribly scarred, mentally and physically, by the Bulbian church during the few weeks she had been left at the nunnery, he knew that as well, though he held his tongue whenever the pompous and pious priests began rambling. As much as he wanted nothing more then to strangle the chocolate rabbit that had been sent to live at the castle, the Concord and the peace it would bring meant more then his rage at the Bulb. </p>
<p>Though, he had seen the way Saccharina and Lapin interacted, the few times the girl had followed Caramelinda into the room. There was a softness about the rabbit whenever she was around, so perhaps he was one of those Bulbians who could live, if Amethar ever got the chance to tear it all down. </p>
<p>And tear it all down he wanted to, as he sat there, head in his hands, trying to make the few letters his sisters had tried to teach him pop out on the page, to stop floating around and actually make a single word of sense so he could stop feeling Bulb damn useless for once. He had never wanted this, had never wanted to be king. He had spent his entire life believing that Rococoa would rule, that he would stand by her side as her sword. That his life would have meaning in keeping her safe, winning her battles even if she was more then capable of doing it on her own, in being the blade that protected her from harm. </p>
<p>His entire life was a lie, and he couldn’t help but believe it might have been a mistake. </p>
<p>“The Ceresians want to know how many troops each country is going to send.” Calroy’s voice cut through the silence, his hand resting on Amethar’s shoulder as he leaned over, looking down at the paper he was struggling with. “If we’re going to focus on a specific number, or a percentage of the available arms.” </p>
<p>Amethar sat frozen for a long moment, processing the words Calroy had said into his ear, before sitting back up, rubbing at his eyes. He looked over at the letter Calroy had read from, then, after another moment, picked up the quill and handed it over. </p>
<p>“A percentage,” Amethar said, the words feeling right on his tongue as Calroy wrote out the response, his def hands taking care of the letters and ink and everything Amethar had never been able to get the hang of. “If we make it an actual number, then they can just train more to fill in what was taken. But if we make it a percentage, and force the countries to keep track and send in reports, they can’t pull something over on us.” </p>
<p>Calroy nodded as he wrote, his head bobbing as he listened and transcribed everything into surely the more flowery language the official correspondences insisted on using. The letter done, he handed the quill back over, pointing to the empty space at the bottom. </p>
<p>“Sign here, and tomorrow I’ll make sure a messenger gets this to the Comida.” </p>
<p>Amethar thankfully grunted as he took the quill, his shaky letters that in no way matched the writing above signaling his approval of whatever was said, trusting his advisor with his life and his word. At the very least Amethar knew how to sign this, had had his name drilled into him over and over and over again by all of his sisters, until the word was readable by even Lazuli without her glasses. They had known he wasn’t book smart, known he wasn’t the one to lead them into a great new age of philosophy, but had insisted at least on him knowing how to write his own damn name. </p>
<p>If only they had known that it would end up like this, they might have tried harder to give him a few more words to work with. But that was the past, and all he could do now was try to continue moving forward. </p>
<p>“Give an order to the messenger,” Amethar said, raising his head to look at Calroy, “that I want him to pick up some things from-” </p>
<p>Calroy kissed him. It was warm and soft and sweet, the sugar from his lips passing to Amethar’s tongue as Calroy pressed closer against him, the rolling sense of emotion and love pouring off of him as Amethar’s hands came to his hips, holding him tight as he leaned into it. Leaned into it just like he had leaned into every other kiss the cake man had ever given him, leaned into the promise of passion and lust and love that was missing from every other aspect of his life. Leaned into the promise of a future together, the kings of Candia.</p>
<p>And for a long moment, Amethar wanted to lean into that future. He had a daughter, had Saccharina, and Calroy could adopt her. They could be the kings of Candia, Saccharina their future queen, and he knew Caramelinda would understand. He knew that she saw him only as the younger brother he had been for almost a decade, ever since her marriage to Lazuli all those years ago. He knew that she had no love lost for their marriage, and would be happy to throw the treaty papers out the window and live her life as his advisor, as Saccharina’s aunt, as the wife of his older sister who now mourned her loss and happily accepted that she was free to live her life as she so desired. </p>
<p>But he couldn’t. As much as he wanted, Amethar knew what it meant. </p>
<p>Caramelinda’s father owned the largest army in Candia. He had been happy to see her married to Lazuli, especially since the marriage had resulted in love, but the war had hardened him, and now he demanded to see her queen. And if she wasn’t, he would ensure a civil war broke out. Which even an idiot like him knew would destroy them. </p>
<p>So instead of leaning in, instead of accepting the offering being given, he pulled back. </p>
<p>“Cal,” Amethar said, shaking his head, his voice dripping with regret, “I can’t. I’m getting married in a week.”</p>
<p>“Get married to me.” Calroy shook his head when Amethar opened his mouth, clearly about to say something in protest - instead Calroy kept talking, taking one of Amethar’s hands between both of his. “We don’t need to worry about the heir problem now, not with Saccharina here. And Caramelinda doesn’t love you, it’s not some secret you both only agreed to this because you have to. Amethar, we can be <em> happy </em>. And you know Gustavo will send troops to stop any rebellion that happens. You don’t need to marry her. So, Amethar, get married to me instead.” </p>
<p>There was almost a desperation in his eyes and voice as Calroy sunk to his knees, a kiss on Amethar’s knuckles as he finished his plea. And again, Amethar wanted to. He wanted to accept, wanted to love the man kneeling before him, wanted to build the future of Candia with him into a golden age of peace. </p>
<p>Instead he leaned forward and kissed Calroy, hard, before pulling away. Unable to meet his gaze, he picked up the letter, the ink still drying, and folded it away, uncaring of the smudges that would blend together words. </p>
<p>“I don’t trust a normal messenger, Calroy. Take this to the Emperor, and come back with his response.” </p>
<p>A pause, the wheels in Calroy’s head turning as he took in what Amethar has just said. </p>
<p>“It’s a three week round trip, Amethar.”</p>
<p>“I know.” </p>
<p>Calroy said nothing as he stood, dusting off the knees of his fancy pants, his face neutral as he took the letter from Amethar. It was clear from his eyes that something had broken, something had broken and reformed and hardened into something new, something terrifying that Amethar had never seen in his best friend before. He had seen so much else - love and lust and friendship, humor and trust, everything that came from having seen each other piss and shit and still being in love enough to still want the other when they were caked in blood and gore post battle. But this, this was new.</p>
<p>Amethar immediately regretted the words, but couldn’t bring them back. </p>
<p>“Of course, your majesty.” Calroy gave a little bow, his eyes fixed on the floor as he rose. “Would you perhaps give me leave, on my way back, to stop by my parent’s home? At the border between Candia and Ceresia? I’ve been a neglectful son, and if I’m passing by there anyway, I would love the chance to stop in.” </p>
<p>“Of course,” Amethar immediately agreed. “Give them my best, and take all the time you need, my... my friend.” </p>
<p>Calroy bowed again. Turned. Left. </p>
<p>Left Amethar sitting at his desk, papers strewn around him, head in his hands as he tried to justify calling Calroy back, justify breaking things off with Caramelinda, justify following his heart. </p>
<p>But Candia had already lost enough. It couldn’t afford to lose more, and it was time for him to give a sacrifice. </p>
<p>But even as the wedding bells rang, as he said his “I do,” as he kissed Caramelinda with none of the passion or love that he had felt a week before, Amethar couldn’t help but mourn the sacrifice he was making, the space besides him empty as he sealed his life with his new wife. </p>
<hr/>
<p>“How much of your magic do you understand?” </p>
<p>Saccharina opened her mouth, then paused as she fully took in the words that had been asked of her, tilting her head as she considered the chocolate rabbit before her. Considered the Bulbian priest that smelled of sugar and candied fruit instead of the cool crispness that accompanied those who normally drew their power from the Bulb, the smell that lingered even around those who didn’t use magic, who just prayed to the god and accepted its blessings. It was a smell she had gotten used to at the nunnery, a smell that still haunted her dreams, that made her flinch away from churches and the most devout that crossed her path. </p>
<p>But this chocolate rabbit, Lapin, who Caramelinda had asked to watch her while she attended to something, didn’t smell like that. Instead, his smell was almost comforting, if not necessarily what she had been expecting. It didn’t draw him to her, not the way she had been drawn to Caramelinda, the smell of magic and power and safety drawing her in. But she didn’t fear him, didn’t feel as if she needed to protect herself, making him an improvement over almost everyone else.</p>
<p>“How do you know I have magic?” </p>
<p>She almost giggled as his ear twitched, her question clearly catching him off guard. He pulled himself back together quick enough, though, giving a dismissive sniff. </p>
<p>“As much as people say Arcmage Lazuli was just a skilled alchemist, many of us Candians know that her powers far exceeded an alchemist’s skills. While the Bulb does not approve of said powers, it is difficult to believe that the sister of a saint would be powered by the Hungry One. Thus, her powers were some divine interference. You are her niece. It makes a certain amount of sense for you to have inherited some small amount of her abilities, and her blessings.” </p>
<p>His rabbit nose twitched as he spoke, she noticed, watching as it twitched in time to the words sliding smoothly from his mouth. She could feel a gentle pressure against her brain, something encouraging her to just accept his words and move on, but with a shake of her head the pressure was gone, leaving her suspicious. </p>
<p>But instead of questioning him again, she actually thought about his question. His words made a certain level of sense, even if there was much they didn’t explain, but what did she know? She had only been at the castle for a few months, much of that time by Caramelinda’s side. First planning for the wedding, getting Saccharina a little pink dress to wear as the flower girl so she could walk her new step mother to her father, then as Caramelinda took on her duties as queen, explaining the best as she could to a child the intricacies of running a country. Much of which had gone over Saccharina’s head, but still words that she tried to understand, filing away for the future. </p>
<p>Overall, though, she knew little to nothing about the castle and the courts and the things the adults in her life were doing. So, instead, she considered his question. </p>
<p>The honest answer was she understood nothing. She didn’t know where her powers came from, didn’t know what she was capable of, didn’t understand why it was that she was the one who had them, when so many others didn’t. </p>
<p>But she understood they had some connection to her aunt Lazuli, even if most of that connection had been broken at the nunnery. She could still occasionally see her aunt reflected in the glass, could catch quick snippets of words on the wind, even if they weren’t as strong as they used to be. She knew her powers smelled like lightning and rain and the bone cold of winter, painful and exhausting when she used them too many times one right after the other, like she had had to do on the road to keep her mother alive long enough for them to get here. She knew she felt strong in the moment, knew she wanted to grow that strength and become more then she was, knew she wanted nothing more then to be able to protect herself and those around her from the fear and pain she had once felt. </p>
<p>Lapin just nodded when she told him all of that, just nodded and waved his hand in front of her, sparkling pink mixing with brilliant white to summon the power within him. </p>
<p>“I can feel a great ability for healing, and for destruction, within you, child. Let’s work on the first, so whatever you break, you can fix. I will tell the queen that we shall begin our lessons soon.” </p>
<p>Lapin stood from his chair, sweeping his long robes behind him, before pausing, looking her over. Before she could move herself, he had leaned over and kissed her forehead, a warmth flooding through her, lessening the constant ache she always felt in her chest where the scars had healed wrong. </p>
<p>“I am sorry for the pain you were caused, my child. I will make it right, one day.” </p>
<p>With that he left, Caramelinda returning just a few moments later with her stack of papers, the meeting she had been forced to join done. She was exhausted, harried, overworked as she tried to put back together a kingdom with her own two hands, the only hands in charge. Amethar had proven himself on the battlefield, continued to prove himself with the training of the new guard, taking the burden of training the new recruits from the King and Queen’s guards, young but skilled knights named Theo and Amanda. But his work on the training grounds did nothing for the kingdom, something even she had picked up as she watched her new stepmother work for the last few months. As Queen she could finally take over the workings of the kingdom, but as Queen that often meant that her King was left slacking. </p>
<p>“Come along, sweetling,” Caramelinda said, holding out one hand for Saccharina to take. “These papers would be better in my office, and once there we can have some tea.”</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have too much of that licorice tea you like,” Saccharina said, taking her stepmother’s hand, falling into a quick double step to each of Caramelinda’s one. “Momma always said it was bad for the babies.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Caramelinda faltered, her face blanching, glancing down around the papers at her stomach. She took a long, deep, shuddering breath before looking back down at Saccharina, giving her hand a squeeze even as she looked like she would be sick. </p>
<p>“I will keep that in mind, sweetling.”</p>
<p>Saccharina didn’t know much about her powers, but she did know people. She had had to learn them quickly, learn how to avoid the crueler of the nuns, find the people who would help her and her sick mother on their journey here, learn when and where she could use some magic to heal the rot on Catherine’s skin without risking being harmed herself. So when she saw Caramelinda stare at a portrait of Lazuli when they passed, she knew that her stepmother was mourning. Knew she wasn’t happy about the pregnancy, knew she wasn’t happy about the marriage, though she was thriving despite the pressure of being Queen and Stepmother. </p>
<p>But her powers and the smallest of connections she still had to Lazuli, always the strongest when she was holding Caramelinda’s hand, reassured her. </p>
<p>She was going to be a big sister, Caramelinda would be ok, and despite what the future held, they would alright. </p>
<hr/>
<p>It was two months before Calroy returned home, his absence sorely missed each moment. Each moment that Amethar laid in bed next to his pregnant wife (a miracle, that their wedding night coupling could turn into a child so quickly, a child already known by Saccharina despite Caramelinda stating it was too soon to know for sure. A miracle and a relief, for both involved, that their duties might be done so soon after they began, and they could soon find a way to separate their lives as much as married life ruling a kingdom together would allow), each moment his head swam in meetings, each moment he struggled to put together the right words to make everything work. Even with Caramelinda taking over a brunt of the work, building back up Candia and keeping the kingdom together, he was still the king and his word was final say. A final say he wished Calroy had been there to weigh in on, all those many days he was gone. </p>
<p>It was almost two months before he returned, and when Amethar heard that Calroy was returning with the Duchess Cruller, he thought nothing of it. They had met on the road, he believed - her realms did border the Ceresians, and it was about time for her yearly visit to the castle so she could fill him in on the details. It would only take but a well timed moment for them to run across each other, and Calroy was easy to travel with. The idea that the two of them would travel together was so innocent, he thought nothing of it. </p>
<p>Until the moment that the Duchess and her <em> husband </em>were announced, his heart sinking far beyond what he ever could have imagined. It had sunk when he had heard his father had died, had heard that each of his sisters had fallen in battle, had sunk when he had realized that he was the one to become king and take on a crown he had never before wanted. </p>
<p>This was almost worse, because at least in those other situations, he hadn’t had to watch the man he loved on the arm of some other woman. </p>
<p>He was polite, the best form of kingly grace he could manage. Partly because he was king, and partly because he couldn’t set the castle on fire, couldn’t release the rage building within his chest, couldn’t risk harming the precious child that grew within Caramelinda and Saccharina, the precious child that hung on her every word. Many could stand against the initial release of his rage, even if they didn’t stand for long after, but he was sure they couldn’t. So he gritted his teeth into more of a snarl than a smile and greeted the Duchess and her bulb damned husband. </p>
<p>At least until that night, when he cornered Calroy on the empty training ground, practicing his swordsmanship against a straw man that stood between them.  </p>
<p>He didn’t even need to say a word. His simmering anger, the way they knew each other, the way Calroy could read his mind and parse through everything he had ever thought in less then a second, a talent Amethar had worshiped in the bedroom but now had no defense against - it all spoke for him. </p>
<p>“You made your choice, King Amethar,” Calroy said stiffly. “As I have made mine. If you’ll excuse me, I have to attend to my wife.” </p>
<p>The fires of rage were put out within him before he could even speak, watching as, once again, Calroy walked away. </p>
<p>Only this time, he so wished he could find the words to stop him, to make him turn around, to maybe turn back the clock so he could change his mind and keep Calroy for himself. For not the first time, and for sure not the last, but the harshest on himself, he cursed his tongue for its weight. </p>
<hr/>
<p>It took them all as a surprise when it was twins. Saccharina had filled them in on the child being a girl, a sweet little daughter to help fill in one of the holes her aunt had left behind. Not a replacement, no, but still another strong Candian woman to stand beside her sister when Saccharina eventually took the throne. So the child being a girl did not take them by surprise. </p>
<p>When the midwife delivered a black licorice child into Amethar's waiting arms, though, and told her she wasn't done, that another was on the way, Caramelinda was torn. On hand, two daughters, twins, a blessing to anyone but especially the Queen of a country. On the other, it was a good thing the Bulbian priest was there to heal her if necessary, otherwise the cookie midwife kneeling before her would have lost an arm to fire. She didn't care that magic outside that of the blessing of the Bulb was the work of the Hungry One, her wife had taught her well, and she was more than willing to kill someone if it made this pain <em> stop </em>.</p>
<p>The desire to kill ended the moment she held her younger child in her arms, the little red licorice princess whimpering as she squirmed, unused to the harsh light of the fire and the light of the Bulb gleaming in through the window. Amethar sat next to her, holding their eldest, her own wails petering off as he wiped the blood and gunk from her face with the cloth Lapin had handed him. </p>
<p>For a moment, as the four of them sat there, their twin children breathing their first and taking the newness of the world into themselves, Lapin waving his hand and muttering under his breath to take away her pain, Caramelinda almost felt like a family. A proper family, not the weird one she had been forced to forge with her wife's younger brother, but an actual wife with her actual husband, holding their newborns. </p>
<p>She knew it wouldn't last long, but she savored that moment, even as it passed. </p>
<p>"They need names, your majesties," Lapin butt in, his head quickly bobbing in apology for breaking the moment. A quill in hand, hovering over what she knew was the royal proclamation. Just two words were missing, words that needed to fill in the last of the sentence that she herself had written a week earlier. She had wanted the announcement of her child to be perfect, so just two words were missing. </p>
<p>"Jet?" Amethar's voice was cautious - he knew, as king, it was technically his right to name his children, but the name was an offering, a suggestion she was free to take if she so accepted. Even with this, the treatment of his equal, not a wife to breed and ignore as other kings did, was present and appreciated. </p>
<p>"Jet," Caramelinda agreed, nodding her head towards the infant that Amethar held so carefully. "And Ruby?" Another offer, a hand extended in friendship and peace. They had been cordial to each other over the last almost year, working together to the best of their abilities to lead the country, even if that meant that she did most of the work. But even if they couldn't love each other, even if they couldn't be a proper family, they could at least be friends. </p>
<p>"Ruby," Amethar agreed. "Princess Jet and Princess Ruby." </p>
<p>"Very well, your majesties," Lapin said, scribbling the proclamation. When he left it would be handed off to one of the kingdom criers, and the news would quickly spread across Calorum. But, for now, it was news just for them. "The mighty Bulb above blesses these children, and hopes they bring much happiness for you in the future." The chocolate rabbit nodded once again to them before taking his leave, opening the door to leave the chamber Caramelinda had chosen as her own. </p>
<p>A mistake, for the moment he opened, the smell of cold and lightning filled the room as Saccharina ran in, hopping onto the bed to join their little family. Caramelinda waved off Amethar as he tried to scoop the girl and lift her away, instead smiling down at her young step daughter. </p>
<p>Cold and lightning were more pleasant smells then the sweat and other stenches that came with childbirth, and Saccharina's permanently chilled skin felt good as the child leaned against her, craning her neck to see the tiny princess Caramelinda held. </p>
<p>"I didn't know there were two," she said apologetically. "But they're going to be amazing. And they're going to be ok. I promise." </p>
<p>And Caramelinda believed her. It wasn't a question about trust, or about the way that the little girl next to her so clearly already loved her little sisters, or even the way that Saccharina said those words with such a level of determination that she knew she was speaking the truth. </p>
<p>It was the way she heard Lazuli's power in those words, the same power that Saccharina could tap into, and the way she almost saw them dance over little Ruby's skin, soothing and infusing her with the destiny of what was to come. </p>
<p>They were going to be amazing. And, most importantly, they were going to be ok. </p>
<p>After everything, that was all she could ask. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Her daughters were two months old when she was assigned her new Queen's Guard, and it was two months later that Caramelinda realized what a bad decision that was. </p>
<p>Nothing bad had happened to the old, except, well, she was old. Nym had been serving as Queen's Guard long before she and Amethar were married, having served his mother herself. She was an older chocolate bar, her edges beginning to develop the whitish film of old age, and it was time she enjoyed her retirement. It was sad to see her go; they had become almost friends in the time she had been assigned to Caramelinda, but when all was said and done, Nym was looking forward to spending time with her children and breeding her devil dogs. </p>
<p>Which had led to Caramelinda needing a new Queen's Guard. So, when Calroy had suggested one of his soldiers, a young woman already in training, she had been glad to accept her. She knew something was up with Calroy - things hadn't been the same between him and Amethar in the last few months, since he had returned married to the Duchess, but he was still Amethar's oldest and most trusted friend, so she trusted him. And, thus, trusted the person he was willing to assign to her. </p>
<p>She trusted Sir Amanda Maillard with her life and wellbeing the moment the two of them met, much like she had trusted Nym before. But, too soon, she realized that she trusted her with her heart as well, a dangerous proposition she found before her. Because the more she found herself spending time with the knight, which was almost every moment of every day, the more she found herself falling in love with her. </p>
<p>And it was so clear to almost anyone that Amanda was in love with her too. It didn't take a genius to tell that the knight was infatuated with her. Just watching how they interacted, how Amanda looked at her, how she looked at Amanda when she believed no one could see - even a blind fool could see how quickly and how deeply their immediate affection for each other grew. </p>
<p>At first she tried to shrug it off - it was entirely inappropriate. She was almost a good decade older then the knight, even if she was only thirty-seven. She had been married twice, and had just given birth a few months beforehand. She was the <em> Queen </em> of Candia, while Sir Amanda was just that, a knight. A beautiful, strong, confident twenty-eight year old who looked at her like she was the Bulb itself, but that all just made their relationship inappropriate. As much as she didn't entirely believe it, Caramelinda was sure that this was just infatuation because she was the Queen, and once Sir Amanda became used to being around her, this little crush would fade. </p>
<p>Except it didn't. And it was worse, since she began to return it.</p>
<p>She found herself engaging Amanda in talks as they walked through the gardens on her daily rounds, leaving Saccharina with Lapin for her training so they could talk. Talks about their pasts, their fears, their hopes and dreams, Caramelinda giving Amanda leave to speak freely as they did so. With no one around them to hear their "indiscretions," it...it almost reminded her of the walks she used to take with Lazuli. </p>
<p>So when, two months after Amanda had first been assigned to her, when the knight leaned in to kiss her, Caramelinda let her. She ignored all of the warning bells screaming in her head that she was married, that she wasn't the type to cheat, that it didn't matter if she wasn't happy with Amethar he didn't deserve this of all things; she ignored the warning bells and kissed her back, enjoying the swoop of her heart and the desire that pooled within her for the first time in years before she pulled back and glared at her. </p>
<p>"As enjoyable as that was, Sir Maillard, that was entirely inappropriate. This shall not happen again." </p>
<p>"M-my apologies, your highness," Amanda stammered, falling to her knees, bowing before her Queen. "I lost control of my thoughts, and I greatly apologize for my insult. It will not happen again." </p>
<p>Caramelinda nodded and waved for her to get up, ignoring the hollowness in Amanda's voice and the stinging in her eyes. </p>
<p>She let Amanda stay, despite knowing how bad of a decision it was. It wasn't her or the smore woman's fault that their hearts were traitors, and Amanda didn't deserve to have her career ruined because of her. Queen's Guard was a high position, the closest a commoner could get to becoming nobility without some incredible feat of bravery or marrying into the position, and she had earned it. She had earned it through her own skill and merit, and Caramelinda didn't want to punish the poor woman for her heart. </p>
<p>She could punish her own, though, without a second though. </p>
<p>So she kept Amanda around, because <em> by the Bulb </em> did she want her. That single kiss wasn't enough to douse the fire within her - instead it was the opposite, throwing loose flour onto the flames, building them with kindling gathered through their every interaction, their every innocent look, their every moment together that just made Caramelinda want the other woman more. </p>
<p>She almost, almost, felt guilty. She and Lazuli had discussed this, had given the other their permission to find another and love her as best as they could. Their new love wouldn't be a replacement, but an addition, someone to join them all when they met within the light of the Bulb. But neither of them had expected her to have to marry Amethar, to have to sacrifice that happiness for the good of the realm. </p>
<p>And it was for the good of the realm that she remained faithful to him. She was no oath breaker; she wouldn't take another to her bed and defy the will of the Bulb, who had blessed her union to her husband and her union to him only. She knew they would bless her union with Amanda if it was an option, just as the Bulb had blessed her union with Lazuli, but she did not follow the old ways of the Sweetening Paths, even if she knew of them. She was not an oath breaker. </p>
<p>At least, she wasn't, until Saccharina, once again, showed her otherwise. </p>
<p>"She says you should be happy with her." </p>
<p>Caramelinda didn't need to ask who Saccharina was talking about, the gooseberry bumps on her arms enough to know who the message originated from. It wasn't often that Saccharina could contact Lazuli, the scar those waste of milk nuns had forced on her interrupting the contact. Lapin was working on a way to counteract it, he himself horrified when Saccharina had revealed to them how they were treated at that orphanage (with a promise to tend to it, though how much good he would be even as a primogen was unknown), but whether or not he would succeed was still to be seen. There were improvements, though, greater control over her powers as she practiced daily with her holy guide, which meant a strengthening of the few threads of the connection that remained. </p>
<p>Threads that Caramelinda knew Saccharina cherished and missed the entirety of, but threads she made use of, and occasionally allowed Caramelinda to make use of too. </p>
<p>Such as when she was able to pass along the few works Lazuli could spare for her lost wife. </p>
<p>"We all know you like her, and that's me, not Auntie," Saccharina continued, flipping the page of the book she had been given to study. A boring history of Candia, something to keep her busy as Caramelinda tended to the twins as the nursemaids took their break, but Saccharina was staring at it with such intensity, Caramelinda knew she wasn't actually reading. She was listening. "Auntie says you deserve to be happy. If Papa doesn't make you happy the way Auntie did, it's ok." </p>
<p>Saccharina looked up, a small, sad smile on her face as she looked at her stepmother. </p>
<p>"It's ok to be selfish. She still loves you, and asks that you find love for yourself." </p>
<p>Caramelinda didn’t reply. She didn’t have the words to, at least not to Saccharina. Instead she tended to the twins, nursing and rocking and singing soft lullabies to them as the hour passed. She technically had meetings, had reasons she needed the nursemaids to begin with. Amethar was kind and was working hard to be the king he could, but he was still himself, and would have a long way to go before he was able to attend to his duties without a friendly advisor by his side. Things were still cool with Calroy, thus leaving only her to fulfill that job. </p>
<p>The moment the nursemaids returned, each one taking a twin, she asked Saccharina to stay with them. She was still young enough to need supervision, even if the smile she flashed Caramelinda as she left the room was much, much older. </p>
<p>It didn’t take long for her to find her husband: as she had come to expect, he was in his room, cleaning his sword to a bright shine it was never supposed to see. She knew enough about him that he wished it was dull, the surface showing the wear of battle instead of the reflection of his face. He was almost always here when not with her or training the troops. Cleaning, reflecting on the reflection that stared back, forcing contentment where she knew there should have been rage or sorrow. </p>
<p>“You deserve to be happy.” </p>
<p>Amethar looked up as she stood before him, raising his eyebrow. </p>
<p>“I am.” </p>
<p>“Don’t lie to me, Amethar,” Caramelinda quickly replied, shaking her head. “I’ve known you for how many years? At most you’re content. You’re not happy, and you deserve to be.” She tilted her head, considering him. “I don’t know what it would take to make you as happy as you deserve to be, Amethar, but you deserve it. As do I. Which is why, when we’re done here, I’m going to go kiss Sir Amanda, and take her to my bed.” </p>
<p>He stared at her for a long moment at that, raising his eyebrow even higher as he considered her in surprise. “I wasn’t aware you felt like that about her. You know I can’t divorce you, and this would make you an oath breaker. The Bulbians wouldn’t be happy.” </p>
<p>“Which is why, Amethar, you should find your own happiness as well. We can spend our lives being miserable to make happy those who have never met us, or we can agree that this is between us, we have done our duty in producing two heirs, and no oath is being broken. You will still be my husband, if another heir is needed you will be welcomed into my bed, but I never loved you. And you never loved me.” </p>
<p>“I did,” he protested without any bite. “As a sister, as the mother of two of my children, but you’re right. Not as a wife.” </p>
<p>“Then find your happiness, Amethar,” Caramelinda said, leaning down to press a kiss against his forehead. “We both deserve it.” </p>
<p>Caramelinda was gone before he could reply, summoning Sir Amanda from her training rounds to the chambers she had taken as her own after the twins were born. They needed to talk, to understand, and, if things went as she desired, make the happiness they deserved. </p>
<hr/>
<p>"Find your happiness," Amethar muttered under his breath as he swung his sword, slicing into the dummy he had set up. Out of the side of his eye he watched as Theo shifted on the chair he had set up in the corner, the younger gummy bear keeping a careful watch on his king. The man had yet to leave him alone ever since he had been promoted to the official position of King's Guard a few weeks ago, his dedication to protecting the royal family taken a bit further then Amethar was comfortable with. Especially since the last few weeks had been spent mulling over what Caramelinda had told him, the advice she had tried to impart just making everything worse. </p>
<p>She seemed happy, at least; Sir Amanda always on one side, Saccharina on the other, her arms always full of papers or the twins or whatever she had to work on as she helped to bring the country to a point of healing. She had thrown herself back into things with a new vigor, the smile on her face one he hadn't seen since before Lazuli had left to join the war, to put into play the plan she had concocted to end this conflict. </p>
<p>He was jealous, if he was honest. He loved his girls, all three of them, spending as much time with them as he could when the twins weren't with their nursemaids or Caramelinda and when Saccharina was free from her lessons with her step-mother and Lapin. He tried with Candia, sat in on meetings where he didn't understand half of what was said, signed what was put in front of him, ensured that the people were as well taken care of as he could make it. But what she had said had hit a nerve - he wasn't happy, not like she was, and he was jealous. </p>
<p>And even if he knew how to find that happiness, it wasn't something he could do with his new guard hanging around. </p>
<p>"Do you need anything, my lord," Theo asked, standing to attention the moment Amethar let his sword drop to his shoulder, his armor clanking with his movements. "I can get you something to drink if you need, or I can find someone to bring you something to drink, or-" </p>
<p>Theo stopped as Amethar held up his hand, said hand rubbing at his temple as Theo quieted. It was clear the young man was nervous around his king, despite the years that Amethar had known him. Well, at least known of him, even if they hadn't spent much time together while Theo was training under Lazuli, or during his time training with the guards. He waved him over, watching as the gummy bear came to stand before him. </p>
<p>"You can relax, Theobald," Amethar said, giving him a small smile. "I'm fine." </p>
<p>"You never know when there's danger, my lord," Theo replied, though his stance did relax a bit. He was still nervous, it was clear, his eyes darting around at every sound, but he seemed a bit calmer. </p>
<p>"In the center of the castle, the only danger is to my mind," Amethar joked, though he paused even as the words left his lips. Theo had spent a lot of time with Lazuli, even more then Caramelinda, his sister having taken him on as a student when she was just a teenager herself and he was but a boy. Perhaps...</p>
<p>"Maybe you can give me some advice, Theobald," Amethar proposed, setting the practice sword against the wall and taking the few steps needed to sit on Theo's chair. He rubbed at his forehead, flicking some sweat to the ground as he took a deep breath. "I've found myself with a question that I can't seem to answer." </p>
<p>"I can go find the queen, my lord," Theo automatically answered, "or perhaps one of your advisors? They might be better suited to helping." </p>
<p>"No, no," Amethar said, shaking his head as he spoke. "It's a... personal matter that I need help with. The queen has already weighed in on this. I require an outside opinion." </p>
<p>"Of course, my lord," Theo nodded, "whatever you need." </p>
<p>Amethar glanced around, confirming they were alone before he proceeded. </p>
<p>"Have you ever been in love, Theo?" </p>
<p>The gummy bear paused for a long moment, clearly taken aback by the question. He gave Amethar a long, hard look before nodding, fixing his eyes to stare at the ground. </p>
<p>"If you were given permission to be with that person, even if it means breaking another promise, would you take it? Especially if the person giving said permission was the one you were breaking a promise to?" </p>
<p>Theo swallowed hard, his feet shuffling as he considered Amethar's question. Finally, after a long moment he nodded, raising his head so their eyes met. </p>
<p>"I would, my lord. If I wasn't hurting the other person, and they were ok with the promise being broken, I would accept it." </p>
<p>Amethar nodded slowly, his head bobbing as he accepted what was said. His wife was already enjoying herself with her new suitor, the person who had perhaps been almost closer to Lazuli besides him and Caramelinda claimed it was a good idea, and well...</p>
<p>Amethar knew what his heart wanted, what his heart had longed for since he had realized he was in love with the other man. </p>
<p>Amethar stood and nodded at Theo, smiling gratefully as he did. </p>
<p>"Theo, take the rest of the day off. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" </p>
<p>"Are you sure, my lord?" </p>
<p>"I have some personal matters to take care of, things I need to do alone. I need to talk to my advisor." </p>
<p>Theo just nodded as Amethar turned and walked away, his head bowing in acceptance as Theo watched his king walk away. </p>
<p>"Of course, my lord. Tomorrow then." </p>
<p>Amethar didn't hear as he walked with purpose, his mind already trying to find the words he would say when he found Calroy. Words to make him listen, to mend the rift between them, and perhaps words to find that happiness Caramelinda, and through transitive properties, Lazuli, said he deserved. </p>
<hr/>
<p>It didn’t take long to find him. After Amethar had asked him to move in after the war, Cal had taken one of the smaller rooms for himself in the East Wing. Amethar had tried to get him to take something larger, something closer to his own rooms, but Cal had refused. For whatever reason Amethar couldn’t understand, Calroy had wanted something out of the way, which had just made their meetings even harder when they had still been sneaking around to see each other. </p>
<p>Even after marrying Donetta, he had kept that room instead of moving into the rooms fit for a lord. So it was there that Amethar checked first and there he found him, found Cal opening the door with a surprised look on his face after Amethar pounded and asked for entrance. </p>
<p>“Is there something I can help you with, your highness?” </p>
<p>“Calroy, stop it,” Amethar begged, pushing his way into the room so he was out of hall. Even if Caramelinda had given him permission, he still didn’t want others to see. Not just yet. “You’re my friend, and I need-” </p>
<p>“You need <em> what, </em> Amethar?” Calroy’s voice was hard, cold, a candy rock that gave the ice cream mountains a run for their money. He closed the door and flipped the lock, ensuring their privacy, though it held none of the welcome the other times he had locked the door for the two of them had had. “If this is a matter for the kingdom, I will happily perform my duty as your advisor. It’s what you pay me for, and I am happy to serve Candia. If there is anything else, I’m afraid you will have to find the answers elsewhere.” </p>
<p>“Cal...” </p>
<p>It was harder than he had thought, being in this room, so familiar despite the almost year since he had slept here, since he had last kissed Calroy here, since he had last laid in his arms and just held him. Since he had last felt truly loved in the way only the man standing before him had been able to. </p>
<p>He had loved Catherine, but even she hadn’t known him like Calroy did. Hadn’t loved him like Calroy had. Hadn’t been <em> his </em> like Calroy had. </p>
<p>Amethar knelt before him, his head bowed, hands shaking as he prayed to whatever gods he believed in that Cal would listen, that he could fix at least one of his many fuck ups. </p>
<p>“I <em> love </em> you, Cal,” Amethar said, pouring as much emotion into his voice as he could. “I had to do what was best for the kingdom, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have and I do love you. While I can’t break my marriage to Caramelinda, the two of us have come to an arrangement. We could be <em> together, </em> Cal.” Amethar raised his head slightly, glancing up to see the cake man standing there, frozen, that familiar, calculating look in his eyes. Amethar had seen that look so many times over the years, had fallen in love with it on the battlefield and in their bedchamber as he considered the future, the possibilities, Calroy’s never stopping brain considering every angle he could find. </p>
<p>It meant he was listening, something that at least gave Amethar the slightest bit of hope. </p>
<p>“We-” </p>
<p>“On my trip to my parent’s,” Calroy interrupted him, voice still cold and hard, painful for Amethar to hear, “a representative of the Ceresian government approached me. Offered me gold and power if I became a spy for them.” </p>
<p>That small little hope was immediately dashed as Calroy continued to speak. </p>
<p>“I agreed.” </p>
<p>“What have you told them so far?” </p>
<p>Shifting from his knees so he was sitting fully on the ground, Amethar allowed his eyes to close, swallowing to wet his suddenly dry throat. Depending on what had been said, what secrets had been shared, he, his family, Candia, all of them were in danger. Troop numbers, weaknesses in the castle, their current lack of ability to defend themselves because they were still weak from the war...</p>
<p>He might have to execute his best friend for treason.</p>
<p>“Hey, Amethar, hey.” His voice was softer then had been in a long while as Calroy knelt before the suddenly woozy Amethar, cupping his face between his hands. Amethar focused his gaze onto the cake man before him, searching him for something, anything, that said this was fake. This was some kind of cruel prank, Calroy putting him in his place for pulling this. For saying he loved him after all of the heartbreak he had put him through, going through with the marriage to Caramelinda, forcing him to sit and watch as they played happy family. This had to be some kind of joke, it had to be. </p>
<p>“I haven’t told them anything yet, not anything important,” Calroy said, leaning forward to press his forehead against Amethar’s. “Some little things, like the birth of the twins before the announcement reached them, some of the public declarations, nothing that could hurt you Amethar. You, or them. I co-” he paused, biting his lower lip. “I can’t hurt you Amethar. I can’t, not anymore.” </p>
<p>Amethar leaned forward as well, pressing back so the two men were leaning against each other, just enjoying the closeness they had been denied over the last year, holding each other up and existing. Existing and breathing in each other, minds racing and empty in equal measures as Amethar tried, for once, to make an actual decision. </p>
<p>So much of his life just revolved around others making the decision for him, accepting what he was told for the best of the country, the best for the Concord, the best for every single other person and just not him. </p>
<p>Amethar pulled Calroy into his lap and kissed him deeply, a kiss eagerly accepted and returned, wanting nothing more then to forget the world and just enjoy the feeling of being loved and wanted for the first time since he had had to turn him away. Since he had had to put everyone else before his selfish desires, desires he acted on now as he pressed closer, as he held tighter, as he let himself drown in Calroy's kiss and taste and touch. </p>
<p>He was panting when he finally pulled away, Amethar turning his head to press his face against Calroy's shoulder, hand playing with the band of his fancy pants. He wanted to continue, wanted to pick up his best friend and pin him to the bed, but he held back. There had been too much time, too much pain, a literal betrayal to work through before he could have what he wanted, as much as he wanted it now. As he tried to decide if he trusted the words that came so soon after the admittance of said betrayal, trusted that Calroy could no longer stand to hurt him, or if this was all some elaborate lie. Instead he just sat there, Calroy's hands soft on his back as they moved in soft, reassuring moves. </p>
<p>"We need to tell Gustavo," he finally said, breaking the peace that had fallen between them. He felt Calroy stiffen in his arms and just held that much tighter in response, refusing to let go. "This is huge, Cal, that the Ceresians are trying to put spies in place. You know him as well I do, he'll start an investigation and see if it's something the entire government is in on, or if it's just a few." </p>
<p>"You know it won't be easy," Calroy pointed out, sighing. "I only know the man who wanted to hire me, but he alluded to others, and I know how proud they can be. This could mean another war." </p>
<p>Amethar growled at the thought, but shook his head. "I hope it won't come to that, but better a war now instead of in twenty years, when the price could be us taken off guard and stuck between a candy rock and a hard place." Amethar raised his head from Calroy's shoulder, staring deeply into the cake man's eyes. "Will you stand with me again, Calroy, if this does come to a war?" </p>
<p>Calroy chuckled and nodded. "I've already seen you piss and shit, Amethar, and still had you in my bed. I'll stand by your side if you'll have me."  </p>
<p>"I want you," Amethar confirmed, nodding. "I can't marry you," he admitted, saying those damned words once again, "but I can give myself to you, Cal. Caramelinda and I talked about it, she'll have her lover and I'm free to take one myself. I will give you everything in the world I can. Will you, Cal?"</p>
<p>Calroy pulled him into another kiss, as much of an answer as the cake man could give. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Three days. It took three days to talk things over with Caramelinda, to convince her that Calroy wasn't a threat to their family, to fill her in on the details and come to the correct decision. </p>
<p>Three days, and they left for the capital, news of the underground rumblings to take to Gustavo in hand. </p>
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